From Tweets to Twickers

On my way home from the gym this morning,  I saw a bumper sticker that cracked me up: "I child-proofed my house...but they STILL get in." Yeah, how about that?? The Mercedes wagon in front of me had two car seats in the back, so it's obvious they're definitely "in" and the luxury vehicle they thought they bought is nothing more than a playroom on wheels. Expensive wheels. Thinking of my own home, I conjured up images of waiting dishes in the kitchen, my son's room where Lego "Shanghai"he designed and built still covered 90% of the useable floor space, the trail of socks, underwear, shorts and toys spread from the garage to the hall to the living room.  I thought of the Scooter that I noticed in his bathroom earlier. How did that get there? His piles and piles of artwork, homework, crayons, markers, doodles, pencils, stencils and then, his report card came to mind.

Straight A's as it were, less the points for "Organizes well" and phys ed. My mind immediately played a montage (yes, my mind does montages...) of those awful bumper stickers Moms and Dads put on their cars: My son is on the Honor Roll...My Daughter is a Scholar at...My Daughter Sucks...oh what?? No, they don't say that.

In all candor, don't you just hate those bumper stickers that say "My Child is an Honor Student at..."? It usually just gives me something to snicker at while waiting at Stop lights. Just then something else hit me: we no longer need bumper stickers. Why? Because people look at the phones now when they are at a traffic light.

It occurred to me in this context that Twitter is the new bumper and all these catchy tweets are nothing more than bumper stickers. So in less than 140 characters, you too can now create what I will call "Twickers" that people can read on their phones and PDAs while idling at stop lights.

So from now on, I just may Twick and Tweet. Won't you join me?

Deviant Today / Acceptable Tomorrow

What is deviant today may be socially acceptable tomorrow. Take wearing pants. Women wearing them in the early 1900s were considered cross-dressing freaks, penalized and arrested for public indecency. Homosexuality, deviance or norm? Most would say "norm" I would venture to say.  Although some still consider homosexual behavior aberrant, countless others - countries and states included - have legally declared homosexuality to be a natural orientation and have made same-sex marriage legal. Men and women sleeping together before marriage. Abnormal? Not in the 2000s. But before the groovy 1960s, you betcha.  Today, co-habitation is what most couples do prior to marriage as a matter of course.

Want some other examples?

How about S & M? Sadomasochism involves two consenting partners -- one who wants to inflict pain and the other who wants to receive it.  Flogging, humiliation, torture -- are these "normal"? Well to some, yes. They think role-playing in dominant and submissive postures is fine.  Some even go as far as to claim it a “lifestyle.” Here’s another:  Necrophilia anyone? Sucking the toes of a dead corpse perhaps? Intercourse with a cold, hard body? Unthinkable deviance. Well, today’s immensely popular vampire love stories point to a growing romanticism of necrophilia and are nothing more than popularized tales of sex with the dead (or un-dead, as it were).

Abnormal behavior like fetishism and bestiality are joked about in public and practiced openly. Just open a sex magazine. Go online. Watch adult cable. It's right there, out in the open. De rigueur. 

Let’s be clear about something: Sexual deviance is nothing new. But we need to draw clear lines in the sand between sexual behaviors versus violence.  Sex is strange business.  What turns people on is an odd and often surprising amalgam of otherwise unthinkable conduct.  Taking “standard” sex further, if it is sadism, fetishism, submission or any other kind of non-standard sexual behavior and if it is within the context of mutual consent, it should not be mistaken for acts of sexual violence or aggression.  

We humans do end up popularizing behavior that was at one time deviant, even illegal.  But here’s the catch and the part that needs to be dealt with:  what happens in the future to those who are "accepting" the behavior now because they know no different? Or because they want to fit in? Or because they are so trusting of the person inflicting the pain that they believe it must be OK? Or because society is telling them it's "de rigueur"? Where does that leave the victims of today's deviant behavior tomorrow? What will we be saying in ten, twenty or thirty years from now about those who are being victimized in secret today for things society will deem either acceptable or acknowledgeable tomorrow?

Because the injurious acts take place in secret, with a devastating, even paralyzing, level of shame and humiliation attached, victims often sublimate these experiences into the depths of their psyches, into the farthest hinterlands of consciousness. For too many souls, it takes years and years for these experiences to come to light.

When partners are non-consenting, it is never all right. Sexual slavery is never alright. Children being made to perform acts on adults is never alright – not  in the past, now or in the future. Child sexual abuse should never be tolerated.

In light of the media frenzy surrounding sexual abuse on television, in print and online,  (NBC’s “To Catch a Predator,” the Sandusky trial at Penn State, “Prep School Predators” at my alma mater Horace Mann, in the Catholic church, in the Boy Scouts) what can we do to give solace to the victims of the past who are struggling today with horrors they endured back then? 

For certain, we need to make sure children are protected now and past victims find a way to have their day in court in order to bring their torturers to justice. Considering how long victims often take to find the courage to speak out, the statute of limitations are woefully short, inadequate and act as a barrier to justice. Reforming child abuse laws is imperative and the time frame for victims to come forward needs to be UNLIMITED.  New York needs to follow California’s lead and open a window for all victims to have a voice, if they want it. Or go as far as Delaware and Florida, two states that have eliminated the statute of limitations entirely.

WE CANNOT LET THE BEHAVIOR OF PREYING ON THE YOUNG AND THE NON-CONSENTING EVER BECOME TOLERABLE, EVER BECOME ACCEPTABLE.  MAKE SURE YOUR STATE IS ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

Predators Among Us

It's clear that sexual deviants -- predators-- come from all walks of life. We know them. They could be next door. They’re rarely the old, trench-coat wearing exhibitionists we were told they were way back when. I’ve seen statistics that confirm that 90% of sexual abuse victims know their abusers. More than not, they are men who befriend their victims. Fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, Mom's boyfriends, teachers, babysitters, priests.

It just seems that sexual deviance is so widespread, so pervasive in society that we may never be rid of the problem until we understand what really makes these abusers tick. Some food for thought and perhaps part of the healing is identifying behaviors that may indicate a leaning toward or predilection for predatory deeds. 

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, pedophiles, also referred to as serial child sex abusers, share certain characteristics and behaviors.

1.    He is usually an adult male, but some women also sexually abuse children.

2.    The abuser is often a past victim of child molestation himself.

3.    He seeks out children of the same age he was when he was victimized.

4.    He is often married and hard-working.

5.    Pedophiles are often employed within a wide range of occupations.

6.    They are usually well-liked and respected community members.

7.    He may be well-educated and a regular church-goer.

8.    He relates better with children than adults.

9.    Some prefer boys, some prefer girls.

10. He usually prefers a specific age group of children.

11. Pedophiles take and collect photographs of victims while dressed, nude or in sexual poses.

12. He may collect child-adult pornography.


Read more at Suite101: The Profile of A Pedophile: Identifying Characteristics and Behaviors of Child Molesters | Suite101.com http://suite101.com/article/the-profile-of-a-pedophile-a50767#ixzz1yBashO6q