The Horace Mann School for Boys

I attended the Horace Mann School for Boys for my last two years of high school. Yes, it still was called a "School for Boys" as they had not yet had time to change all their collateral material prior to their admittance of girls. That all changed during the first year of co-education in 1975. 


In tomorrow's Sunday New York Times magazine, the cover story is entitled "Prep School Predators: The Horace Mann School's Secret History of Sexual Abuse". 


The story was posted online a few days ago. A lame note disclaiming any responsibility ( as these events happened in the past, prior to the present administration)  went out to all alumni and parents prior to its publication. The avalanche of stories, support, horror, sadness and other emotions that have been streaming online ever since is quite extraordinary. It has churned up so many memories, so many emotions for all of us, clearly. In fact, it points more toward the strength of the bonds most HMers have felt. A kinship. A shared community. A lifelong bond for most of us.


Sadly, not for those who were abused.

I have to say that I have always proudly "worn" my HM badge, most importantly, for its significance to me as being one of twenty girls to graduate in its first co-ed class. One of twenty girls to have been part of an "old boys'" network, with all that that meant. It has helped and even defined my life's work, often at the forefront of a lot of situations where women were very few. It helped me in innumerable ways to compete and thrive in a man's world. And a big part of this was gaining a certain "street smarts" when people came onto you or acted in ways that were uncomfortable. It's really not "new" news, is it? I think this stuff has really gone on forever.

Girls have long been subjected to the kinds of things admitted in these discussion threads.  I got those same back rubs by teachers.  During my junior or senior year, my mentor at WNEW during an internship off-campus locked me in his office and started groping me. I was shocked. I demanded he let me out…and the shame of that was so unbearable that I never went back to that TV newsroom again. No teacher at HM even questioned why I left that internship, which they knew was so important to me.

One of the best parts about HM was the access to being in a "man's world." Being taught by all these old world "eccentrics" was par for the course-- and the most energizing aspect. Sadly, some of those "eccentrics" crossed the boundary into criminal behavior. 

Stories will be coming out from those abused. And I hope that those who have kept this inside for way too long will have the benefit of being able to find peace somehow-- through discussion, through shared history, through being able to vent. Others have already begun to comment on the "sexual hotbed" environment they assume it was. It was NOT that.

For the victims, being able to vent it is really cathartic and important. For those suffering any kind of abuse today, it is so important to share in order to dispel the shame.  But to think that it doesn't go on today is unrealistic. To think this only happened "back in the day", is silly. Human nature has a dark side. It will continue. It's just important that people can share and not feel that they cannot talk about it. Shame is a killer.  

A Conspicuous Life Means Being Active, Present and Accountable

I was raised with high expectations.

When my father recently handed me a tattered and crumbling cardboard binder, I wasn't sure what to do with it. Nearly disintegrating in my hands, I recognized the handwriting and saw it contained a young man’s research—his research. There were articles torn from newspapers and completed school assignments reflecting my father’s perception of current events in the 1930s. Among the top twenty people he noted in the news were Ribbentrop, the Duke of Windsor and Pearl S. Buck. In short, the students at the East New York Junior High School were learning about literature, China, trade pacts being signed and Hitler on the rise.  They were taught where Tanganyika was and about Mussolini in Italy. He took both Spanish and French.  Latin and Greek classes were also part of the curriculum.

In one paper, something he highlighted resonated with me and stood out above all the other work. It was something that I know he taught me and my two sisters. The note said,  “Advancement in life means becoming conspicuous in life.” I believe I am my father’s daughter in many respects, but perhaps none more so than that singular belief:  being “conspicuous in life” - present, active and accountable. What was most remarkable to me, the mother of a third grader in California's public school system, was how impressive the curriculum was in the 1930s and how globally-minded students were back then and how sad it makes me that we no longer have that kind of quality in our classrooms.

I thought about was how far our educational system is from the days when Greek and Latin were accessible to all students, when expectations were high and teachers were revered. 

Recently, I attended a parent leadership training conference led by “Educate Our State,” a grassroots volunteer organization uniting the voice of Californians to demand high quality K-12 public education through a re-prioritization of funding at the State and local levels. The keynote speaker, Delaine Eastin, the former State Superintendent of Public Instruction said something so simple, yet so memorable: “Our children are a message we send to a future we will never see.”

This will be my guiding light moving forward, being "conspicuous." I am asking any of those reading this to join me to ensure and safeguard that future…to guarantee that it is not one in which our children do not know the Periodic Table because they’ve only had science in 2^nd and 4^th grades or one in which a child doesn’t know how to hold a paintbrush because she’s never been in an art class or a young boy hasn’t a clue how to catch a baseball because Physical Education was not in the budget.

If you are in California, you will have a chance to sign a petition in January which will seek to put a Constitutional amendment on our 2012 ballot to re-prioritze funding in our state. If you are not in California, you can still support us! Stay tuned for how!