In tomorrow's Sunday New York Times magazine, the cover story is entitled "Prep School Predators: The Horace Mann School's Secret History of Sexual Abuse".
The story was posted online a few days ago. A lame note disclaiming any responsibility ( as these events happened in the past, prior to the present administration) went out to all alumni and parents prior to its publication. The avalanche of stories, support, horror, sadness and other emotions that have been streaming online ever since is quite extraordinary. It has churned up so many memories, so many emotions for all of us, clearly. In fact, it points more toward the strength of the bonds most HMers have felt. A kinship. A shared community. A lifelong bond for most of us.
Sadly, not for those who were abused.
I have to say that I have always proudly "worn" my HM badge, most importantly, for its significance to me as being one of twenty girls to graduate in its first co-ed class. One of twenty girls to have been part of an "old boys'" network, with all that that meant. It has helped and even defined my life's work, often at the forefront of a lot of situations where women were very few. It helped me in innumerable ways to compete and thrive in a man's world. And a big part of this was gaining a certain "street smarts" when people came onto you or acted in ways that were uncomfortable. It's really not "new" news, is it? I think this stuff has really gone on forever.
Girls have long been subjected to the kinds of things admitted in these discussion threads. I got those same back rubs by teachers. During my junior or senior year, my mentor at WNEW during an internship off-campus locked me in his office and started groping me. I was shocked. I demanded he let me out…and the shame of that was so unbearable that I never went back to that TV newsroom again. No teacher at HM even questioned why I left that internship, which they knew was so important to me.
One of the best parts about HM was the access to being in a "man's world." Being taught by all these old world "eccentrics" was par for the course-- and the most energizing aspect. Sadly, some of those "eccentrics" crossed the boundary into criminal behavior.
Stories will be coming out from those abused. And I hope that those who have kept this inside for way too long will have the benefit of being able to find peace somehow-- through discussion, through shared history, through being able to vent. Others have already begun to comment on the "sexual hotbed" environment they assume it was. It was NOT that.
For the victims, being able to vent it is really cathartic and important. For those suffering any kind of abuse today, it is so important to share in order to dispel the shame. But to think that it doesn't go on today is unrealistic. To think this only happened "back in the day", is silly. Human nature has a dark side. It will continue. It's just important that people can share and not feel that they cannot talk about it. Shame is a killer.
